Motown Fox
Well-Known Member
Our kid had the same problem so we now decided to call him special K
The random joke thread
- Thread starter Durham Fox
- Start date
- Status
Melton Fox
Dancing Queen
:icon_lol:
Darth Vodka
Well-Known Member
i really tried not to laugh
Despite her son playing for Chelsea, Pat Lampard remained a West Ham for most of her life. In fact it wasn't till the very end that she turned blue
spionfox
Well-Known Member
I really tried not to cringe :icon_wink
Motown Fox
Well-Known Member
Ohhh noooo 
this thread is getting worse and
this thread is getting worse and
Last edited:
Motown Fox
Well-Known Member
The Queen & Dolly Go To Heaven
Queen Elizabeth And Dolly Parton
Die on the same day and they both go
Before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day,
So the Angel must decide which of them Gets in.
The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she
Should go to Heaven .
Dolly takes off her top and says,
"Look at these, They're the most Perfect breasts God ever created,
And I'm sure it will please God to Be able to see them every day,
For eternity."
The Angel thanks Dolly, And asks Her Majesty the same question.
The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, Shakes it up, and gargles. Then, she spits into a toilet and pulls the lever.
The Angel Says, "OK, your Majesty, you may go in."
Dolly is outraged and asks, "What was that all about?
I show you two Of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down.
She spits into a Commode and she gets in!
Would you explain that to me?" "Sorry, Dolly," says the Angel,
"but even in Heaven,
a royal flush
Beats a pair -
No matter how big they are.
Queen Elizabeth And Dolly Parton
Die on the same day and they both go
Before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day,
So the Angel must decide which of them Gets in.
The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she
Should go to Heaven .
Dolly takes off her top and says,
"Look at these, They're the most Perfect breasts God ever created,
And I'm sure it will please God to Be able to see them every day,
For eternity."
The Angel thanks Dolly, And asks Her Majesty the same question.
The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, Shakes it up, and gargles. Then, she spits into a toilet and pulls the lever.
The Angel Says, "OK, your Majesty, you may go in."
Dolly is outraged and asks, "What was that all about?
I show you two Of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down.
She spits into a Commode and she gets in!
Would you explain that to me?" "Sorry, Dolly," says the Angel,
"but even in Heaven,
a royal flush
Beats a pair -
No matter how big they are.
The Major
Active Member
If Stephen Hawkings was a member on here I'm sure he'd be pissing himself.
the pun is with the ion (a charged electron):icon_lol:
the names Bond, Ironic Bond. Taken not shared
OldGit
Well-Known Member
If Stephen Hawkings was a member on here I'm sure he'd be pissing himself.
Undoubtedly - but due to his lack of muscle control.
Biff
Active Member
Paddy and his wife are lying in bed one the night and the neighbours dog's barking like f*ck in the garden.
Paddy says 'F*ck this!' and storms downstairs.
5 mins later he comes back upstairs and his wife said 'What did you do?'
Paddy says 'I've put the f*cker in our garden, lets see how they like it!'
Paddy says 'F*ck this!' and storms downstairs.
5 mins later he comes back upstairs and his wife said 'What did you do?'
Paddy says 'I've put the f*cker in our garden, lets see how they like it!'
SJN-Fox
Well-Known Member
Reasons Why Women Are Like Football Pitches
1. There is a vast difference in grounds with regards to length and width, thus varying the quality of the play.
2. Pitches vary from the well-grassed to the completely bald.
3. Remember it is possible to score at both ends, but one end per 45 minutes is favourable.
4. Tackling from behind is not always an offence - check with ground owner.
5. Be careful, as after a few pints a ground appears to be of Premiership standard but in reality would not even be eligible as a council dumping ground.
6. Only some grounds offer five-a-side facilities.
7. Don't ever make public your desires to play at Wembley, also, never mention pitches previously visited.
8. Extra time is dependent on subsequent pitch bookings.
9. If the ground does not seem to have under-soil heating suggest calling the game off, possibly even contact coroner.
10. When building a team it is always nice to finish with Seaman at the back.
11. Wet pitches allow for long sliding tackles.
12. Always tread carefully when leaving the pitch and entering the tunnel.
13. Personal morals may be compromised by local derbies.
14. It is illegal to play on small, unturfed pitches.
15. From time-to-time the goal may be obstructed by a highly absorbent goalie.
16. Russian grounds are frequently more grassy.
1. There is a vast difference in grounds with regards to length and width, thus varying the quality of the play.
2. Pitches vary from the well-grassed to the completely bald.
3. Remember it is possible to score at both ends, but one end per 45 minutes is favourable.
4. Tackling from behind is not always an offence - check with ground owner.
5. Be careful, as after a few pints a ground appears to be of Premiership standard but in reality would not even be eligible as a council dumping ground.
6. Only some grounds offer five-a-side facilities.
7. Don't ever make public your desires to play at Wembley, also, never mention pitches previously visited.
8. Extra time is dependent on subsequent pitch bookings.
9. If the ground does not seem to have under-soil heating suggest calling the game off, possibly even contact coroner.
10. When building a team it is always nice to finish with Seaman at the back.
11. Wet pitches allow for long sliding tackles.
12. Always tread carefully when leaving the pitch and entering the tunnel.
13. Personal morals may be compromised by local derbies.
14. It is illegal to play on small, unturfed pitches.
15. From time-to-time the goal may be obstructed by a highly absorbent goalie.
16. Russian grounds are frequently more grassy.
GazLCFC
Active Member
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a go od old-fashioned 'stiff drink'. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a go od old-fashioned 'stiff drink'. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
RHYDAL
Well-Known Member
A World Renowned expert in the sounds of European wasps is browsing in a music store, when he spies an album titled "wasp sounds from around the Globe".
Naturally, being a World renowned expert in the sounds of European wasps he is curious and asks the young chap behind the counter if he can have a listen to "wasp sounds from around the Globe".
A few seconds later the World renowned expert in the sounds of European wasps is standing at one of those little sound stations with his headphones on and a puzzled expression on his face. He removes the Headphones, walks back to the counter and catches the young sales persons attention. "Excuse me" he says, "I'm A World renowned expert in the sounds of European wasps and I've just been listening to "wasp sounds from around the Globe", and I must say, there appears to be some mistake. Those are no wasp sounds with which I am familiar". The young man dutifully checks the recording in question and assures the World renowned expert in the sounds of European wasps that he is indeed listening to "wasp sounds from around the Globe".
Puzzled, the World renowned expert in the sounds of European wasps returns to the headphones and once again begins to listen. After a few seconds he once again returns to the counter and accosts the young fellow here. ""Excuse me" he says, "As I mentioned before, I am a World renowned expert in the sounds of European wasps and I've just been listening to "wasp sounds from around the Globe" and I have to say again, those are no wasp sounds with which I am familiar. Are you certain I have been listening to the correct recording?" Slightly exasperated by now, the young man checks the disc currently playing and with a slightly sheepish grin confesses:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Oops, sorry Sir, I seem to have played you the Bee side"
Naturally, being a World renowned expert in the sounds of European wasps he is curious and asks the young chap behind the counter if he can have a listen to "wasp sounds from around the Globe".
A few seconds later the World renowned expert in the sounds of European wasps is standing at one of those little sound stations with his headphones on and a puzzled expression on his face. He removes the Headphones, walks back to the counter and catches the young sales persons attention. "Excuse me" he says, "I'm A World renowned expert in the sounds of European wasps and I've just been listening to "wasp sounds from around the Globe", and I must say, there appears to be some mistake. Those are no wasp sounds with which I am familiar". The young man dutifully checks the recording in question and assures the World renowned expert in the sounds of European wasps that he is indeed listening to "wasp sounds from around the Globe".
Puzzled, the World renowned expert in the sounds of European wasps returns to the headphones and once again begins to listen. After a few seconds he once again returns to the counter and accosts the young fellow here. ""Excuse me" he says, "As I mentioned before, I am a World renowned expert in the sounds of European wasps and I've just been listening to "wasp sounds from around the Globe" and I have to say again, those are no wasp sounds with which I am familiar. Are you certain I have been listening to the correct recording?" Slightly exasperated by now, the young man checks the disc currently playing and with a slightly sheepish grin confesses:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Oops, sorry Sir, I seem to have played you the Bee side"
bocadillo
Water Gypsy
http://www.talkingballs.co.uk/showthread.php?t=7682
Personally I'm surprised to learn that Cardiff is lagging only 2½ years behind the civilised world.
RHYDAL
Well-Known Member
And you're a whole division behind that.:icon_wink
- Status
| P | Pld | Pts | |
| 1 | Manchester C | 9 | 23 |
| 2 | Liverpool | 9 | 22 |
| 3 | Arsenal | 9 | 18 |
| 4 | Aston Villa | 9 | 18 |
| 5 | Chelsea | 9 | 17 |
| 6 | Brighton | 9 | 16 |
| 7 | Nottm F | 9 | 16 |
| 8 | Tottenham | 9 | 13 |
| 9 | Brentford | 9 | 13 |
| 10 | Fulham | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Bournemouth | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Newcastle | 9 | 12 |
| 13 | West Ham | 9 | 11 |
| 14 | Manchester U | 9 | 11 |
| 15 | Leicester | 9 | 9 |
| 16 | Everton | 9 | 9 |
| 17 | Palace | 9 | 6 |
| 18 | Ipswich | 9 | 4 |
| 19 | Wolves | 9 | 2 |
| 20 | Southampton | 9 | 1 |
