The random joke thread
- Thread starter Durham Fox
- Start date
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Richie_d123
Well-Known Member
Beat me to it:icon_bigg
Dickovforengland!
New Member
One more like that and he shoud be banned from this thread.
fcukcov
Active Member
Look this isnt called the good jokes thread, its called the random jokes thread and it was random!
Dickovforengland!
New Member
Fair do's out on a technicality. Actually it wasn't that bad but I think I developed rsi getting to the punchline!
Spanky Fox
New Member
Your not the only one, my eyes are hurting from reading that joke, it took forever
SJN-Fox
Well-Known Member
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town.
People would say...
'What a peaceful & loving couple.'
The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
The Husband replied...'Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America,' explained the man...'We visited the Grand Canyon in Arizona and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by horse, we hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off, my wife looked down at the horse and quietly said...'That's once.'...
'We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again. Again my wife quietly said...'That's twice.'...
We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for
The third time my wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.
I SHOUTED at her...'What's wrong with you, Woman!
Why did you shoot the poor animal like that, are you f*ckin crazy!?'
She looked at ME, and quietly said...'That's once.'
From that moment.... We have lived happily every after.'
People would say...
'What a peaceful & loving couple.'
The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
The Husband replied...'Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America,' explained the man...'We visited the Grand Canyon in Arizona and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by horse, we hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off, my wife looked down at the horse and quietly said...'That's once.'...
'We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again. Again my wife quietly said...'That's twice.'...
We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for
The third time my wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.
I SHOUTED at her...'What's wrong with you, Woman!
Why did you shoot the poor animal like that, are you f*ckin crazy!?'
She looked at ME, and quietly said...'That's once.'
From that moment.... We have lived happily every after.'
spionfox
Well-Known Member
No, she went of her own accord.
From Gradel to Grave
Active Member
Scilly Isles?
From Gradel to Grave
Active Member
The Major
Active Member
No, she went by plane.
SJN-Fox
Well-Known Member
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't
have a lot of money between them, they could only
raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'
He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out
with one large sausage.
Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any
money left at all!'
Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'
He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two
pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.
Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much
trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!'
Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a
plan, Cheers!'
They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick
the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees
and put it in your mouth.'
The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them
out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and
more drunk, all for free.
At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I
can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are
killin'me!'
Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I lost the
sausage in the third pub.
have a lot of money between them, they could only
raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'
He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out
with one large sausage.
Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any
money left at all!'
Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'
He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two
pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.
Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much
trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!'
Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a
plan, Cheers!'
They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick
the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees
and put it in your mouth.'
The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them
out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and
more drunk, all for free.
At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I
can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are
killin'me!'
Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I lost the
sausage in the third pub.
Melton Fox
Dancing Queen
****ing glad I'm ignoring this thread.
Richie_d123
Well-Known Member
:icon_bigg
A traffic cop flagged down a motorist and said, 'I'm arresting you for going through three red lights.'
'Yeah, well, I'm colour blind,' said the motorist.
'In addition to that, you were exceeding the speed limit,' said the policeman. 'So what?' said the motorist. 'And on top of all that you were going the wrong way down a one-way street,' added the officer. 'I always did have a lousy sense of direction,' said the motorist with a smile.
At that point, his wife leaned forward from the ,back seat and said, 'Don't pay any attention to him, officer. He always talks like this when he's had a few drinks.'
'Yeah, well, I'm colour blind,' said the motorist.
'In addition to that, you were exceeding the speed limit,' said the policeman. 'So what?' said the motorist. 'And on top of all that you were going the wrong way down a one-way street,' added the officer. 'I always did have a lousy sense of direction,' said the motorist with a smile.
At that point, his wife leaned forward from the ,back seat and said, 'Don't pay any attention to him, officer. He always talks like this when he's had a few drinks.'
Darth Vodka
Well-Known Member
mate of mine got done with that ID theft last week
Sid, or as he's now called, S
Sid, or as he's now called, S
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