The random joke thread

[fosseboy83]

Really annoyed!!!
Someone sent me a text.
All it said was

'A' 'G' 'N' 'B'

















I think it's bang out of order

I forwarded that to someone, and the silly moo called me up to see if i was OK :icon_lol:

 

[fox58]

Michael Jackson’s elation on hearing about Steven Gateley’s death was soon deflated when it was explained to him that Steven was not from the boys home

 

[FryattFox]

How are the Championship and wireless internet the same?

No leads.

 

[RHYDAL]

Christmas in heaven is going to be a special affair this year.
Keith Floyd to cook the dinner,
Farah Fawcett on top of the tree,
Swayze to do some dancing,
whilst Gateley sings carols,
And of course Jacko to play with the kids.

 

[Darth Vodka]

Christmas in heaven
...Gateley
...Jacko

God loves ginger beers and kiddy diddlers?

 

[RHYDAL]

God loves ginger beers and kiddy diddlers?

So long as they repent, yes. Cornerstones of the Catholic church for centuries.

 

[Darth Vodka]

So long as they repent, yes. Cornerstones of the Catholic church for centuries.

you reckon Gateley repented before his Bulgarian threes-up or after?

:icon_bigg

 

[MKFox]

if you cure swine flu, does it become ham flu?

 

[RHYDAL]

you reckon Gateley repented before his Bulgarian threes-up or after?

:icon_bigg

Neither, but he regurgitated afterwards I believe.

 

[fosseboy83]

Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

 

[MKFox]

Does anyone know a guitarist who can make yeast based sandwiches?












It's ok, Johnny Marr might.....

 

[tedfoxxx]

Does anyone know a guitarist who can make yeast based sandwiches?












It's ok, Johnny Marr might.....

Did you just think of that?

 

[fox58]

As an plane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up and shouts, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there anyone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

 

[MKFox]

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy.

When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long.

 

[MKFox]

3 little ducks go into a bar....

'Say, what's your name?' the bartender asked the first duck.

'Huey,' was the reply.

'How's your day been, Huey?'

'Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?' said Huey.

'Oh. That's nice,' said the bartender. He turned to the second duck,
'Hi, and what's your name?'

'Dewey,' came the answer from duck number two.

'So how's your day been, Dewey! ?' he asked.

'Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles
all day myself. What else could a duck want?'

The bartender turned to the third duck and said,
'So, you must be Louie?'

'No,' she said, batting her eyelashes.

'My name is Puddles.'

 

[Motown Fox]

A young women asked her mother one day, "How do I keep guys off me?" and mom said, "Ask him what the baby's name will be."

So the next day she goes to a party and asks guys who are trying to hit on her,
"What will the baby's name be?"

This succeeds and gets rid of them in a hurry.

Then one guy danced real close with her and she asked the usual question, but this time he took her upstairs and when finished she asks again,
"What will the baby's name be?"

He then removes the condom, ties it off at the top and
says, "if the baby gets out of this, call him Houdini..."

 

[Motown Fox]

An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow were hired at a construction site. The foreman pointed out a huge pile of sand and told the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman he said, "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then said, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."
The foreman went away for a of couple hours, and, when he returned, the pile of sand was untouched. He asked the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replied, "I no hava no broom. You said to the Chinese fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere." Then the foreman turned to the Scotsman and said, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile."
The Scotsman replied, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him either." The foreman was really angry by now and stormed off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy.

Just then, the Chinese guy jumped out from behind the pile of sand and yelled...
"SUPPLIES!!"

 

[bocadillo]

If I ever get a chance to appear on daytime TV, I'm going to say "****, ****, fuuuuck, shit!! Cock, ****, cuuuunt!! Shiiitt, ****, shiiitt, ****!! Cuuunt, shit, fuuuuck!!!!".

That way, when they beep it out, it'll spell '****' in morse code.

 

[H T B]

An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow were hired at a construction site. The foreman pointed out a huge pile of sand and told the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman he said, "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then said, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."
The foreman went away for a of couple hours, and, when he returned, the pile of sand was untouched. He asked the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replied, "I no hava no broom. You said to the Chinese fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere." Then the foreman turned to the Scotsman and said, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile."
The Scotsman replied, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him either." The foreman was really angry by now and stormed off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy.

Just then, the Chinese guy jumped out from behind the pile of sand and yelled...
"SUPPLIES!!"

Must be in a daft mood, cos it made me laugh:icon_lol:

 

[Kingy_85]

Doctors in Ireland have discovered a woman with 2 ****s.

The amazing discovery has baffled experts across the country.

John & Edward were unavailable for comment but their Mum will undergo further tests on Monday morning.