The random joke thread
- Thread starter Durham Fox
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MKFox
New Member
I think he went out of bounds too...
Motown Fox
Well-Known Member
Tiger Tiger not too bright,
When you went out the other night
Whose was that, the hand of fate.
That hit you with your own iron 8
In whose distant bed or rooms.
Burnt the fire of thine loins
On your head dare she so stub
Her hand dare swipe you with thy club
And whose shoulder, & whose breast,
Could twist the sinews of thy chest
And when thy head began to sting
Were Elin’s hands your neck to wring
Was there a hammer? Was there a chain,
To wrap around your stupid brain?
The Cops a statement they want from you
Are you that clueless of what to do?
When the stars came out that night
Did you think you‘d get in that fight?
Did she smile her work to see?
Did she who swung the club strike thee?
Tiger Tiger not so bright,
Out in your car the other night
The Fire hydrant you did hit
And now you’re really in the $hit!!!
When you went out the other night
Whose was that, the hand of fate.
That hit you with your own iron 8
In whose distant bed or rooms.
Burnt the fire of thine loins
On your head dare she so stub
Her hand dare swipe you with thy club
And whose shoulder, & whose breast,
Could twist the sinews of thy chest
And when thy head began to sting
Were Elin’s hands your neck to wring
Was there a hammer? Was there a chain,
To wrap around your stupid brain?
The Cops a statement they want from you
Are you that clueless of what to do?
When the stars came out that night
Did you think you‘d get in that fight?
Did she smile her work to see?
Did she who swung the club strike thee?
Tiger Tiger not so bright,
Out in your car the other night
The Fire hydrant you did hit
And now you’re really in the $hit!!!
fosseboy83
Active Member
was it worth the effort of a pastiche of blake?
Matt_B
Well-Known Member
A geeks version of Quoth the Raven, from http://www.sepulchritude.com/suffer/poefest/raven_turner.html
Once upon a website dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
O'er many a strange and eerie page with flash and gifs galore,
While I left-clicked, nearly happening on a web-page about rapping,
Came the sound of someone rapping, rapping at my office door.
"'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my office door-
Only this, and nothing more."
Yes, distinctly I remember it was 'fore I was a member
and could only read from senders who had written there before.
Eagerly I wished the morrow;- vainly I had sought to borrow
A login, (spelled out as 'D0rr0w') - I had borrowed once before-
>From the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore-
D0rr0w there for evermore.
And the silken sad uncertain rustling threads on alt.rec.curtain
Bored me- filled me with an ennui I had never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I clicked, repeating,
"'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my office door-
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my office door;-
This it is, and nothing more."
Presently, my interest stronger, though the posts became no longer,
"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
I was reading newsgroups, chuckling at a usenet poster's buckling,
And so faintly you came knuckling, knuckling at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you"- here I opened wide the door;-
Janitor there, and nothing more.
Deep into the blackout peering, long I stood there wondering, peering,
Thinking through a post on topics no-one had posted before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was a whispered "404!"
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "404!"-
Merely this, and nothing more.
Now my browser I was booting, all my inner junkie hooting,
Now I'd read of usenet looting anecdotes I'd heard before.
Booting Google, I thought "surely that is something torn from surly:
.com, late not early; let us surf the web, explore-
Yes, the web-page is the same it is nothing new from before;-
I'll read usenet, as before."
Opening up the usenet window, then, to the usenet group I'd read, though
In there stepped a user- 'Raven'- lurker of the days of yore;
And the shortest posting made he; no paragraph nor sentence said he;
And, with mien of lord or lady, posted URL before-
Posted pallas.com/. just above my post before-
Posted, sat, and nothing more.
This blank statement then beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the posting that it were.
"Though thy post be short and wordless, thou," I said, "art sure no bird, 'less,
Bird could type with wing fingerless, posting to alt.rec.folklore-
Tell me what thy login name is on the network, to be sure!"
Quoth the Raven, "404."
Much I marvelled this ungainly lurker to read text so plainly,
Though his answer little meaning- little relevancy bore;
You cannot credit reading that man of any breeding
Ever yet was blest with reading posts from birds on rec.folklore-
Bird or beast upon the URL that Raven placed before,
With such name as "404."
But the raven, silent lurking, watched as I went off websurfing
to the URL, knee jerking, posted to alt.rec.folklore:
No more packets then he uttered- not a single word he uttered-
As my modem strained and puttered, as great Kibo I implored:
Then Netscape said, "404."
Startled at the whiteness broken by a error page's token,
"Doubtless," said I, "what it's spoken is a prank and nothing more,
Some teasing posting posted so this 'Raven' can have boasted
Of his post; be broadly toasted by the trolls and gimps galore-
'Less my cut-and-paste left spaces that I did not see before
and brought me this 404."
But the post was still beguiling all my fancy into smiling,
So I edited the URL I had tried once before;
Then booting up Explorer, I re-pasted what this snorer
had put up in alt.rec.folklore (as I mentioned here before)-
To see what this ungainly, lengthy, URL before
Meant by giving "404."
Thus I sat engaged in guessing, where that space might be expressing
as a percent-twenty, guessing that my defaults would ignore;
This and more I sat divining, with my head slowly inclining
T'wards the monitor, all shining, that the error glowed o'er,
But which monitor, all shining, with the error glowing o'er,
Still it says, ah, 404!
Then methought my mind grown feeble, or perhaps the server evil,
Or perhaps it was slash-dotted, as it hadn't been before.
"Now," I cried, "by God I'll read thee- read the address Raven sent me
Having spied a Percent-twenty that I hadn't seen before!
Now I'll hit the enter key and be tormented thus no more!"
Quoth the browser, "404."
"DAMNIT!" said I, "What's the matter?!?- After all this keyboard clatter!-
And I've edited the spaces and yet still this 404??
This server must be dreadful, or upstream provider dead-fall-
I may just go to the damned mall- tell me truly, I implore-
Is there any website hosted? Let's go down a folder more!"
Quoth the browser, "404."
"DAMNIT!!!" said I, "What's the matter- After all this keyboard clatter!
This behavior does not flatter- though I've gone a folder more-
What's been posted to the newsgroup, Something more from this whole sick troupe?
Let me check if there's a posting that I previously ignored-
A posting, perhaps where this Raven, fixed the address from before."
Posted Raven, "404."
"Be that post your final parting, bird or troll," I typed, upstarting-
"Get thee back into IRC and we clever folks ignore!
Leave no posting as a token of that URL- it's broken!
Leave my newsgroup, I have spoken!- get the hell out! And what's more,
Take thy server, fold it sharply, and stuff it where--" I deplore,
but a new posting: "404."
And this Raven, never typing, probably is still out there, hyping
URLs and websites, knowing that their service is but poor;
And his words must have the seeming of a mailer-daemon screaming,
And the bandwidth he has streaming just as useless as before;
Though his posts from parent's basement, all those posts I so deplore
Shall be lifted- 404!
Once upon a website dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
O'er many a strange and eerie page with flash and gifs galore,
While I left-clicked, nearly happening on a web-page about rapping,
Came the sound of someone rapping, rapping at my office door.
"'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my office door-
Only this, and nothing more."
Yes, distinctly I remember it was 'fore I was a member
and could only read from senders who had written there before.
Eagerly I wished the morrow;- vainly I had sought to borrow
A login, (spelled out as 'D0rr0w') - I had borrowed once before-
>From the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore-
D0rr0w there for evermore.
And the silken sad uncertain rustling threads on alt.rec.curtain
Bored me- filled me with an ennui I had never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I clicked, repeating,
"'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my office door-
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my office door;-
This it is, and nothing more."
Presently, my interest stronger, though the posts became no longer,
"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
I was reading newsgroups, chuckling at a usenet poster's buckling,
And so faintly you came knuckling, knuckling at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you"- here I opened wide the door;-
Janitor there, and nothing more.
Deep into the blackout peering, long I stood there wondering, peering,
Thinking through a post on topics no-one had posted before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was a whispered "404!"
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "404!"-
Merely this, and nothing more.
Now my browser I was booting, all my inner junkie hooting,
Now I'd read of usenet looting anecdotes I'd heard before.
Booting Google, I thought "surely that is something torn from surly:
.com, late not early; let us surf the web, explore-
Yes, the web-page is the same it is nothing new from before;-
I'll read usenet, as before."
Opening up the usenet window, then, to the usenet group I'd read, though
In there stepped a user- 'Raven'- lurker of the days of yore;
And the shortest posting made he; no paragraph nor sentence said he;
And, with mien of lord or lady, posted URL before-
Posted pallas.com/. just above my post before-
Posted, sat, and nothing more.
This blank statement then beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the posting that it were.
"Though thy post be short and wordless, thou," I said, "art sure no bird, 'less,
Bird could type with wing fingerless, posting to alt.rec.folklore-
Tell me what thy login name is on the network, to be sure!"
Quoth the Raven, "404."
Much I marvelled this ungainly lurker to read text so plainly,
Though his answer little meaning- little relevancy bore;
You cannot credit reading that man of any breeding
Ever yet was blest with reading posts from birds on rec.folklore-
Bird or beast upon the URL that Raven placed before,
With such name as "404."
But the raven, silent lurking, watched as I went off websurfing
to the URL, knee jerking, posted to alt.rec.folklore:
No more packets then he uttered- not a single word he uttered-
As my modem strained and puttered, as great Kibo I implored:
Then Netscape said, "404."
Startled at the whiteness broken by a error page's token,
"Doubtless," said I, "what it's spoken is a prank and nothing more,
Some teasing posting posted so this 'Raven' can have boasted
Of his post; be broadly toasted by the trolls and gimps galore-
'Less my cut-and-paste left spaces that I did not see before
and brought me this 404."
But the post was still beguiling all my fancy into smiling,
So I edited the URL I had tried once before;
Then booting up Explorer, I re-pasted what this snorer
had put up in alt.rec.folklore (as I mentioned here before)-
To see what this ungainly, lengthy, URL before
Meant by giving "404."
Thus I sat engaged in guessing, where that space might be expressing
as a percent-twenty, guessing that my defaults would ignore;
This and more I sat divining, with my head slowly inclining
T'wards the monitor, all shining, that the error glowed o'er,
But which monitor, all shining, with the error glowing o'er,
Still it says, ah, 404!
Then methought my mind grown feeble, or perhaps the server evil,
Or perhaps it was slash-dotted, as it hadn't been before.
"Now," I cried, "by God I'll read thee- read the address Raven sent me
Having spied a Percent-twenty that I hadn't seen before!
Now I'll hit the enter key and be tormented thus no more!"
Quoth the browser, "404."
"DAMNIT!" said I, "What's the matter?!?- After all this keyboard clatter!-
And I've edited the spaces and yet still this 404??
This server must be dreadful, or upstream provider dead-fall-
I may just go to the damned mall- tell me truly, I implore-
Is there any website hosted? Let's go down a folder more!"
Quoth the browser, "404."
"DAMNIT!!!" said I, "What's the matter- After all this keyboard clatter!
This behavior does not flatter- though I've gone a folder more-
What's been posted to the newsgroup, Something more from this whole sick troupe?
Let me check if there's a posting that I previously ignored-
A posting, perhaps where this Raven, fixed the address from before."
Posted Raven, "404."
"Be that post your final parting, bird or troll," I typed, upstarting-
"Get thee back into IRC and we clever folks ignore!
Leave no posting as a token of that URL- it's broken!
Leave my newsgroup, I have spoken!- get the hell out! And what's more,
Take thy server, fold it sharply, and stuff it where--" I deplore,
but a new posting: "404."
And this Raven, never typing, probably is still out there, hyping
URLs and websites, knowing that their service is but poor;
And his words must have the seeming of a mailer-daemon screaming,
And the bandwidth he has streaming just as useless as before;
Though his posts from parent's basement, all those posts I so deplore
Shall be lifted- 404!
Motown Fox
Well-Known Member
Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect camping and fishing trip.
Two days before the group is to leave Frank's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Frank's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.
Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Frank sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and fish cooking on the fire.
"Damn man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday.
Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?"
I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie.
She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. "I want to say thanks for not going to the fishing" The bedroom had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes!
She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said "do what ever you want."
So here I am!! Who wants a nice piece of trout?
Two days before the group is to leave Frank's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Frank's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.
Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Frank sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and fish cooking on the fire.
"Damn man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday.
Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?"
I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie.
She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. "I want to say thanks for not going to the fishing" The bedroom had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes!
She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said "do what ever you want."
So here I am!! Who wants a nice piece of trout?
Blue Maniac
Alzheimers sufferer
Macky
Gruntled Member
I thought that was quite good, considering the general standard of jokes in this thread
Blue Maniac
Alzheimers sufferer
That doesn't mean it was any good by normal standards :icon_bigg
Maybe we should have a thread just for that joke, it's been done so many times :icon_wink
The Major
Active Member
:icon_bigg
- Status
| P | Pld | Pts | |
| 1 | Liverpool | 11 | 28 |
| 2 | Manchester C | 11 | 23 |
| 3 | Chelsea | 11 | 19 |
| 4 | Arsenal | 11 | 19 |
| 5 | Nottm F | 11 | 19 |
| 6 | Brighton | 11 | 19 |
| 7 | Fulham | 11 | 18 |
| 8 | Newcastle | 11 | 18 |
| 9 | Aston Villa | 11 | 18 |
| 10 | Tottenham | 11 | 16 |
| 11 | Brentford | 11 | 16 |
| 12 | Bournemouth | 11 | 15 |
| 13 | Manchester U | 11 | 15 |
| 14 | West Ham | 11 | 12 |
| 15 | Leicester | 11 | 10 |
| 16 | Everton | 11 | 10 |
| 17 | Ipswich | 11 | 8 |
| 18 | Palace | 11 | 7 |
| 19 | Wolves | 11 | 6 |
| 20 | Southampton | 11 | 4 |
