Dale Winton.
That's another name gone from the list of people I'd rather have as manager than Puel.
Back around the turn of the century the BBC did a one-off quiz show for Comic Relief. It was called "1000 to 1" The format was to take 1000 people & whittle them down to one in the space of half an hour. The last one standing won an enormous shitload of prizes.
It was presented by Dale Winton.
I was one of the 1000.
We all got herded into a cavernous sound stage next to the studio. Because it was for Comic Relief the whole thing was conducted with ruthlessly enforced jollity by a bunch of students who'd taken a gap year to work for the charity. This included having to walk into the assembly area in a freestyle "silly" fashion of your choosing. I gritted my teeth.
The idea of all this was to put you into the correct state of inane smileyness for when they filmed you strolling into the studio en masse , waving & grinning like a ****ing simpleton (it's the BBC on a Saturday night innit)
They decided that the final push to achieve this state of prime time nirvana would be by means of making us all sing along to YMCA...while performing all the hand & arm actions & a little dance.
The entire contents of my brain emptied at that point. To be replaced by a glowing neon sign saying:
**** THAT!
So, I sidled off as quietly as possible (I'd made sure I was near the back...my fight or flight response had kicked into gear the moment I'd caught sight of the deleriously cheery students) I went behind one of the large rectangular pillars that was holding the roof up, leaned against it out of sight of the crowd & had a fag.
Halfway through my calming tobacco break a door opposite the pillar opened & out walked Dale Winton. Dressed down pre-recording in a scruffy sweatshirt & jeans, holding a cup of coffee. He clocked me straight away.
He smiled.
"Not joining in then?" He said.
" Not a chance" I said.
He glanced past me at the merry throng, then looked back at me.
"Can't say I blame you...bit ****ing camp if you ask me"
Then he wandered off.
I cracked up.
He went up hugely in my estimation during those few seconds.
RIP
Yes I have. Anyone who can make assisted suicide funny has a special talent.Particularly when it's a true story & especially when it's your own mother. Following it up with credit card fraud just made my head hit the desk. Genius.
