MKFox
New Member
:icon_bigg
The random joke thread
- Thread starter Durham Fox
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Motown Fox
Well-Known Member
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem? "Ma'am," the officer replies, you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers. Slower than the speed limit?
No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-two miles an hour! "The old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time, "the officer asks. "Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem? "Ma'am," the officer replies, you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers. Slower than the speed limit?
No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-two miles an hour! "The old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time, "the officer asks. "Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."
ahboyblue06
New Member
Gordon Brown has promised to keep one eye on the Economy and one eye on the Immigration problem.
I can't help but notice a major flaw in your plan there, Gordon.
I can't help but notice a major flaw in your plan there, Gordon.
ahboyblue06
New Member
Hats off to the Icelandic people.
First they declared themselves bankrupt...
Then they set their island on fire....
Anyone else smell the mother of all insurance frauds?
First they declared themselves bankrupt...
Then they set their island on fire....
Anyone else smell the mother of all insurance frauds?
Motown Fox
Well-Known Member
One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. She started screaming 'oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina'.
The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said 'Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit'.
The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said 'OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my penis I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina.
The Husband nodded and gave his approval. The young lady said 'Yes, Yes, whatever, just get on with it'. So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, inserted it into the young lady's vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, ' I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper'. So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the Young lady very hard indeed. The young lady began to quiver with excitement, and moan and groan aloud, 'oh doctor, doctor!' she shouted.
The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself. He then put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started making loud noises. The husband, at this point suddenly became very annoyed and shouted 'Now wait a minute, what do you think you're doing?"
The doctor, still concentrating, replied 'Change of plan, I'm gonna drown the bugger'
The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said 'Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit'.
The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said 'OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my penis I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina.
The Husband nodded and gave his approval. The young lady said 'Yes, Yes, whatever, just get on with it'. So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, inserted it into the young lady's vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, ' I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper'. So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the Young lady very hard indeed. The young lady began to quiver with excitement, and moan and groan aloud, 'oh doctor, doctor!' she shouted.
The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself. He then put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started making loud noises. The husband, at this point suddenly became very annoyed and shouted 'Now wait a minute, what do you think you're doing?"
The doctor, still concentrating, replied 'Change of plan, I'm gonna drown the bugger'
Last edited:
:icon_lol:
The Major
Active Member
A scouser is on holiday in Arizona USA. He's staying in a remote frontier type town and walks into a bar .
He orders his drink and sits down at the bar when he notices a native American Indian, dressed in full regalia, feathered head dress, tomahawk, spear, the lot, sitting in the corner under a sign saying 'Ask me anything'
The scouser is intrigued and asks the barman about him.
'Oh, we call him the memory man, He knows everything.' says the barman.
'What do you mean he knows everything?’ asks the scouser.
'Well, he knows every fact there is to know and he never, ever forgets anything'
'Yeah right' says the scouser.
'If you don't believe me, try him out. Ask him anything, and he'll know the answer'
'Alright' says the Scouser and walks up to the Memory Man.
'Where am I from ?'
'Knotty Ash, Liverpool , England ' says the Red Indian. And he was right.
‘Alright’ says the scouser, ‘that was easy you probably recognised my accent. Who won the 1965 FA Cup Final?'
' Liverpool ' says the memory man quick as a flash.
'Yes and who did they play?'
'Leeds United' again without blinking
'And the score?'
'2-1' says the memory man without hesitation.
'Pretty good,but I bet you don't know who scored the winning goal?'
'Ian St John' says the Indian in an instant.
Flabbergasted the tourist continues on his holiday and on his return to Birkenhead tells all and sundry about the amazing Memory Man. He just can't get him out of his mind and so he vows to return and find him again and pay him his due respect .
He saves his dole money for years and finally twelve years later he has saved enough and returns to the states in search of the memory man.
He searches high and low for him. And after two weeks of trying virtually every bar and town in Arizona he finds him sitting in a cave in the mountains, older, greyer and more wrinkled than before but still resplendent in his warpaint and full regalia.
The scouser, duly humbled approaches him and decides to greet him in the traditional manner..
'How'.
The memory man squints at the scouser.
'Flying header in the six yard box.'
He orders his drink and sits down at the bar when he notices a native American Indian, dressed in full regalia, feathered head dress, tomahawk, spear, the lot, sitting in the corner under a sign saying 'Ask me anything'
The scouser is intrigued and asks the barman about him.
'Oh, we call him the memory man, He knows everything.' says the barman.
'What do you mean he knows everything?’ asks the scouser.
'Well, he knows every fact there is to know and he never, ever forgets anything'
'Yeah right' says the scouser.
'If you don't believe me, try him out. Ask him anything, and he'll know the answer'
'Alright' says the Scouser and walks up to the Memory Man.
'Where am I from ?'
'Knotty Ash, Liverpool , England ' says the Red Indian. And he was right.
‘Alright’ says the scouser, ‘that was easy you probably recognised my accent. Who won the 1965 FA Cup Final?'
' Liverpool ' says the memory man quick as a flash.
'Yes and who did they play?'
'Leeds United' again without blinking
'And the score?'
'2-1' says the memory man without hesitation.
'Pretty good,but I bet you don't know who scored the winning goal?'
'Ian St John' says the Indian in an instant.
Flabbergasted the tourist continues on his holiday and on his return to Birkenhead tells all and sundry about the amazing Memory Man. He just can't get him out of his mind and so he vows to return and find him again and pay him his due respect .
He saves his dole money for years and finally twelve years later he has saved enough and returns to the states in search of the memory man.
He searches high and low for him. And after two weeks of trying virtually every bar and town in Arizona he finds him sitting in a cave in the mountains, older, greyer and more wrinkled than before but still resplendent in his warpaint and full regalia.
The scouser, duly humbled approaches him and decides to greet him in the traditional manner..
'How'.
The memory man squints at the scouser.
'Flying header in the six yard box.'
Motown Fox
Well-Known Member
Shock news just in Gok Wan and Alan Carr have been getting Jiggy with eachother and are going to go through a Civil Partnership and so they are changing their surnames in celebration of this to Wan-Carr!!
Blue Maniac
Alzheimers sufferer
Jesus ****ing wept.Motown Fox said:
homer
Well-Known Member
Blue Maniac
Alzheimers sufferer
Anyone here ever had a job selling bibles?
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