The random joke thread

[Darth Vodka]

Why did you correct my spelling? It was right the first time.

ah the sharing..i gerrit now

 

[Motown Fox]

Right Ok the boffins have an intellectual chortle. Can we get back to filth please.

This one encompasses both and even a play on your name.

Q: What's the first thing Buck Rogers does to his wife after returning from a mission?
A:Laser

 

[RHYDAL]

ah the sharing..i gerrit now

Darth has acknowledged his oversight. However, he seems to have missed Rhydal's subtler wheeze which involved the incorrect spelling of 'electron'.
Rhydal's response implied that Darth had misspelt 'election', which, continuing the particulate theme, ends with 'ion'.

 

[Darth Vodka]

Darth has acknowledged his oversight. However, he seems to have missed Rhydal's subtler wheeze which involved the incorrect spelling of 'electron'.
Rhydal's response implied that Darth had misspelt 'election', which, continuing the particulate theme, ends with 'ion'.

once you get above "bleeding obvious" you have diminishing returns

 

[Profondo Rosso]

I brought a dyslexic girl home last night.

She cooked my sock.




oof.

 

[Darth Vodka]

I brought a dyslexic girl home last night.

She cooked my sock.




oof.

you sure it wasn't Reverand Spooner?

 

[SJN-Fox]

I brought a dyslexic girl home last night.

She cooked my sock.




oof.

Dyslexia. Not so much a condition, more a way of loaf.

 

[Cate Fox]

[FONT=&quot]So after landing my new job as an Asda greeter at Stoke Park , a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day......[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, Yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Asda. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7.Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't believe someone shagged you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Asda.'[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work[/FONT]

 

[Motown Fox]

A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in the local Marks & Spencer store and asks, "W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?"

The young lad behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.

The man repeats himself: "W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?" Again, the young lad doesn`t answer him.

The guy asks several more times: "W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?"

And the young lad just seems to ignore him. Finally, the guy is angry and storms off.

The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the young lad, "why the heck wouldn`t you answer that guy's question?"

The young lad answers, "D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!"

 

[lazzer]

Scratch that then . Lets have some more science fun .

 

[Jeff]

A neutron walked into a bar and asked, "How much for a drink?" The barman replied, "For you, no charge."

 

[lazzer]

Why do all the other subatomic particles hate the electrons - they are so negative

 

[Motown Fox]

A man goes to the nursing home to visit his 84 year-old father. While there he notices the nurse is giving his father hot chocolate and Viagra.

The man asks, “Why are you doing that? I mean, at his age what will it do for him?”

The nurse explains, “The hot chocolate will help him sleep.”

The man says, “And the Viagra?”

“Oh that keeps him from falling out of bed.”

 

[Motown Fox]

A man had a bad case of stuttering. He went to many doctors over the years, but none of them could help him. Finally one doctor said to him “I believe I have found the reason for your stuttering”.

The man asked, “Wha.. wha.. wha..what is mmmm...mmmy pro.. pro.. problem.”

The doctor replied, “Your penis is very, very large. The weight of your penis is causing a strain on your larynx, and this results in your stuttering. The only solution to this is to perform a penis transplant.” The man was really tired of his stuttering, so he agreed to a transplant. Several days later the doctor called the man up and informed him that they have found a suitable donor. The transplant operation was successfully performed and the man could speak without any stutter.

At first he was happy, but after a while he began to miss his large penis, and how the girls used to love it. He finally went back to his doctor and said, “Doctor, I am grateful for the opportunity you have given me to speak without a stutter, but I miss my old penis. Please find the transplant donor and tell him that we have to exchange penises back.”

The doctor shook his head and replied, “That’s im.. im.. im.. impo.. impossible.”

 

[Profondo Rosso]

This one needs to be read allowed to work:

An energy storage walks into a bar and asks the barman how much for a drink and the barman replies "ATP"

 

[Cate Fox]

This one needs to be read allowed to work:

An energy storage walks into a bar and asks the barman how much for a drink and the barman replies "ATP"

 

[Orifice]

ATP? is that like a wigwam?

 

[Profondo Rosso]

I'm a mistake a post today...

 

[Darth Vodka]

This one needs to be read allowed to work:

An energy storage walks into a bar and asks the barman how much for a drink and the barman replies "ATP"

adenosine tri-phosphate?

in the words of Cate...booo gerrof

 

[Darth Vodka]

saw a fat singer with a laptop

i think it was a Dell