The random joke thread

[MKFox]

A friend of mine just started his own business, manufacturing landmines that look like prayer mats........

Apparently Prophets are going through the roof

 

[Profondo Rosso]

[YOUTUBE]0xsHwT0bnNo[/YOUTUBE]

Made me laugh anyway.

 

[Darth Vodka]

A friend of mine just started his own business, manufacturing landmines that look like prayer mats........

Apparently Prophets are going through the roof

been on b3ta?

 

[Longcliffe]

I don't understand why Mary Bale is getting such a hard time, because she put a cat in a wheelie bin........
Apparently she just wanted it to smell like the rest of the pussies in Coventry.

 

[fosseboy83]

33 miners trapped underground.... sounds like Fritzels up'ed his game

 

[Singth]

Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a brothel for a hug.

 

[Darth Vodka]

that Black Beauty, he's a dark horse

 

[tedfoxxx]

that Black Beauty, he's a dark horse

Tim Vine?

 

[The Major]

Top ten jokes from the Edinburgh festival.

I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again” – Tim Vine

“I’m currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone” – Dave Gibson

“I picked up a hitch hiker. You’ve got to when you hit them” – Emo Philips

“I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say ‘bought’, I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid” – Jack Whitehall

“As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn’t afford a dog” – Gary Delaney

“Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day” – John Bishop

“What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names” – Bo Burnham

“Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it’s what he would have wanted” - Gary Delaney

“For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates: Empty” – Robert White

“Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food. Or, if you can’t be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub…” – Gareth Richards

 

[Darth Vodka]

guilty

 

[tedfoxxx]

guilty

Exit signs, they're on the way out.....

 

[GazLCFC]

Top ten jokes from the Edinburgh festival.

“I’m currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone” – Dave Gibson

 

[MKFox]

For my sons birthday we bougt him an IPod.
My daughter had an IPhone for hers and for my birthday I was pleased to receive an IPad.
Thinking along the same lines I got my wife an IRon








that's when the fight started

 

[Motown Fox]

For my sons birthday we bougt him an IPod.
My daughter had an IPhone for hers and for my birthday I was pleased to receive an IPad.
Thinking along the same lines I got my wife an IRon








that's when the fight started

And I got a blackI

 

[manxfox]

New on Channel Four!

Coming live and uninterrupted from Chile,
33 contestants,
4 months,
1 cave.

Dig Brother

 

[manxfox]

Walkers are to add a new flavour Crisps to their range.
"Semen flavour"
They will be marketed as "diet Crisps" as 99% of women will spit them back out.

 

[Blaby blue blood]

Walkers are to add a new flavour Crisps to their range.
"Semen flavour"
They will be marketed as "diet Crisps" as 99% of women will spit them back out.

As the current Mrs says 'If you are given a present, you don't give it back'. I think this one may be a keeper

 

[manxfox]

Josef fritzel is being flown out to chile to offer his invaluable experience of keeping minors alive underground

 

[manxfox]

Just watched a programme about the tribulations of women menstruating in 17th century Britain. I love a good period drama.

 

[manxfox]

William Hauge. I don't understand the fuss; my wife & I sleep in the same room every night & don't have sex